The Death of Education - The UI Story continues

by: Vashti Trisawati Abhidana

Dear friends who concern in education

As you know, my last note was about the lecturer's low salary at UI and also we've been unpaid for several months. After dealing and made some noise, I got the calculation of our salary scheme. There's an increasing payment for teaching bachelor (S1 pagi) program for freelance lecturer, from Rp 82.000 to Rp 225.000/attendance/if you have master background. However there's salary decreasing if you teach diploma and extension (S1 malam) program. Furthermore, every month you will receive different salary calculation.

Mostly lecturers reveice less salary than before, and this matter irritate them. Who made this genius formula? Probably the best financial director ever in this country! Or even our symphatetic rector, Mr. Gumilar Rusliwa.

Just for you info our salary will be fluctuated every month like wall street. They treat it like a simple business! If they gain profit, you will 'Insya Allah' been paid on time; but if they loss, 'hopefully' they will remember have an obligation to pay us.

The funny thing is UI has the best faculty in economics, finance, management and business. But you can't manage well our salary? If we track back our country's history, mostly our economic architects are from UI.

Mr. Gumilar, you dehumanized us, you treat us like dirt! I think you better start doing Warung (foodstall) business first before being a rector. It's easier to calculate profit and loss, my dear!

How come you still do late payment to us? How come we can't get our paycheck on time? How come our salary is like a roller coaster? How come until today there's still lecturers haven't receive their payment?Did you learn and adopt the formula from Wall Street?

It's ashame that you think lecturers aren't your precious asset, because you feel that there are tons of people who are lining-up to be UI's lecturers. Come on... wake up! What do you expect with US$ 22/day or less for freelance lecturer? Don't ever think that we always get other income, and teaching is just having fun and side income. There's hundred freelance lecturers choose this job as their main income. Please dehhh!!

I beleive there's hundred lecturers who have unbeleivable experience, dedicated, love and proud to teach at UI. Every semester they share their knowledge to create a better education for this country.

If you still ignore and disrespect us like this... I think you better re-think your position as UI's rector.

original link:

People do change

Ok, this will seem like chicken soup and other’s motivation or popular phsycological writings. This is the question: do people change? I’d a small chitchat with my dear friend complaining about an adult with child-minded thing. And lesson learned for that moment is people don’t change darling…

Ok, what about the fact that people always learn for the entire in their age? By this question, I couldn’t be more agree. Isn’t it the character that human beings have that differentiate them in some cases with animals?

This morning I was continuing my reading session with Lacan. It was 1968 in france when the riot happened and people start to discuss about the Lacan’s thought about sexuality, self, and society. And of course Lacan relate it with the language as a mean to express the unconscious mind. Imagine it happened in Indonesia, or at least at Jakarta? Such a perfect place to life hahaha

Back to the topic, I’ve a thought that yes, people do change in terms of as the extention of their unconscious dream. Everyone has their own dreams, ambitions, and characteristic. At the childhood time perhaps it could be expressed and kept well in the unconscious mind. An by the time they get older, the unconscious couldn’t stand to hide all of this thing and get exploded. Still remember the case of Marshanda’s video? Perhaps it’s one example.

If people do transform, so why do we get surprised by it? If we know it from the first time that they are the childish one, why do you still give an attention? Hahaha perhaps it’s just the unconscious mind that needs to be expressed I guess darling… And I talk to myself instead of you actually.

Soundtrack while writing this blog : Come what may

Never know I could feel like this. Like I’ve never seen the sky before.
I want to vanish inside your kiss. Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Season may change winter to spring but I love you
Suddenly the world seem such a perfect place
Suddenly the room such a perfect twist
Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a perfect place…

Hello Mr. President!

Well-done Mr President, congrats on your 2nd term of presidency! But sorry since you’ve been elected for the 1st time, I am still have no idea about what you’ve been done to this whole country except liberating and selling this into another country.

Yes, you’ve stabilized, democraticized, what else? It’s an interesting headline by Kompas stating that “conservative leadership promises for stability”. What did you mean by conservative leadership, kompas? Hahahaha I guess it’s a taunt and the real meaning is obedient to the authority of the western country and the capitalist. HA! What as smart ridicule!



And by the time you’ve elected for the 2nd time, I started to admire your ex-vice president. At first I keep cynical about him in which come from the new-order-heritage party. And in addition by his decision in choosing the ex general. But recently, by personality, he’s the country man in which Indonesian missing it for a long time.



While most of your people hope for better condition for Indonesia, sorry I must say that I’ve a different point of view.

What’s the connection between the Alumni of informatics and computer science and communication and information department anyway?

Rich and well-established, who can ask for more?

Have you ever felt being so comfort that you have no idea what do you live for? Well, I’d a small chit chat last Sunday with my fellow. The topic range from personal life until cultural studies. Actually it’s the most common topic between us as an ex-communication and literary students, hehehe. So never judge us as a weird or nerd, we’re just crazy about it!

And we’re comin’ into socialite life. My friend told me a story about a rich girl. As she told me that the girl had such a happy life. Going umrah, travelling abroad, having a bachelor in dental science. And she asked her some question:

My f :“soo what’s your planning for the future?”
RG :“having a family and following my husband”
My f :“what about working, you’ve been graduated, haven’t you?”
RG :“ohh i don’t care, as long as i’ve got my bachelor degree, it’s enough for my mom!”
My f :“but you’ve earned a bachelor in dental science!!”
RG :“yeah, i just want to be a housewife, accompanying my mother shopping and have fun!”
My f :“(^&*@^!#!”
RG :“my mom told me that i’m the last kid in our family and the important is i’m a woman. My wedding must be a luxurious one! she told me that she’d raised me well and it’s a bad thing to give her child to the unrich man”

*as an addition my f told me that this RG’s sibling wedding is a luxurious one and still her mother insatiable with the luxurious wedding itself.

Well, tell me, is it patriarchy or we’re trapped in this symbolic life deeply? huahahhaha

High spirituality?

For me, spirituality is a new topic in my life. in order to understand it, we've to open our mind and think there's no single truth. Yes, I was the one who think about the single truth. What do you think? Here I take this post from facebook, not from the note itself, but from the comment from Leonardo Rimba, so interesting!

Semua agama dibuat oleh manusia, informasinya terbuka seluas-luasnya kalau kita mau belajar. Agama-agama Semit itu lebih merupakan ideologi daripada spiritualitas. Isinya dogma-dogma untuk mencertak manusia menjadi robot yg terakhir dan sempurna. Aliran spiritual di dalam agama-agama itu berada di luar hirarki resmi. Ada aliran spiritual Yahudi, Nasrani dan Islam. Mereka mengerti bahwa agama cuma ideologi dan bukan tentang kultivasi spiritualitas manusia. Tetapi massa di luar kelompok kecil ini tidak tahu. Cuma baru akhir-akhir ini saja spiritualitas ke luar dari cangkangnya sendiri. Tidak perlu ada lagi yg disembunyikan begitu rapat, untuk apa?

Agama-agama di India ada yg berbentuk dogma-dogma, dan ada yg berbentuk kultivasi pribadi. Ada yg pakai sistem, dan ada yg no system. Tetapi pemikiran India juga baru bisa berkembang kalau ke luar dari India sendiri. Di India terlalu banyak takhayul. Kalau dibawa ke luar dari India, maka bisa berkembang, seperti menjadi Buddha aliran Chan di Cina, yg akhirnya dikenal sebagai Buddha aliran Zen setelah sampai di Jepang. It's high spirituality yg bahkan tidak bisa dicapai oleh orang di India.

Sansekerta itu sering disebut sebagai bahasa paling tua di dunia. Bahasanya sangat eksak. Termasuk keluarga Indo Eropa yg menurunkan bahasa-bahasa Eropa modern. Arti dalam bahasa Sansekerta sangat berkaitan dengan ucapan. Dan sangat eksak sekali. Banyak kode-kode yg tersembunyi dalam kitab-kitab berbahasa Sanskrit yg usianya sudah lebih dari 5,000 tahun. Kita kira isinya cuma puisi relijius, tidak tahunya kode-kode tentang perjalanan bintang, konstelasi galaksi yg tidak ada hubungannya dengan kita, dll... Sama saja seperti yg dijumpai di catatan-catatan clay tablets di Mesopotamia. Dan juga di catatan-catatan Mesir kuno. ... Read More

Dewa dan dewi digunakan sebagai nama untuk benda-benda angkasa.

Kalau dibandingkan dengan catatan-catatan lama, bahkan ada yg asalnya dari masa pra air bah, maka kitab-kitab Yahudi, Nasrani dan Islam are nothing. Cuma permainan anak kecil yg spekulasi adanya Tuhan yg mudah tersinggung. Pedahal sumbernya adalah catatan-catatan sangat kuno tentang perputaran benda-benda luar angkasa.

Mesir, Mesopotamia dan India. Ini peradaban yg sejajar. Mungkin juga bisa ditambahkan catatan-catatan dari Cina yg usianya juga ada yg berasal dari masa pra air bah.

What do you think?

Believe it or not

“Your son has a strong willingness. Once he had a wish, he’ll trying so hard to get it. You think that a bachelor degree is enough for him? Not at all, you can ask him and you’ll find that he wants to take a master degree. He has a good fortune”

Ever considered about the truth got from a fortune teller? I used to but then I came up with a conclusion: it’s not about the statement being told, it’s about our mind that drives it into reality.

I’d a small chit-chat with my mom this morning. She told me that yesterday she unplannedly met a woman that can predict what’s in people’s mind and sometimes the future life. No, she didn’t ask it at first, the woman just speak what’s inside her mind like water’s flowing when she met my mom.


taken from here

As the God creates our mind and free to think, for me our brain is a gift that only me and God who knows it for sure. Can you imagine when people could know what’s on other mind? A chaos, but there will be no hypocrite, ha!
Could you explain how can she did it?

Ps : me and my mom don’t believe with what the fortune teller said since it’s prohibited, call me conservative, I don’t care. But thanks for the last pray madam ;)

The reason behind the success story of reality show and facebook

Don’t you ever wondering why facebook and reality show could be so hip that people are addicted to them? No, I don’t mean to equalize them. Rather, they have the same simmilarities : exposing the private life.

I’ve just read kompas’ Sunday ed. in which published a feature about a love-agent show “take me out” in indosiar. The show really exposes how a single man or woman looking for a love partner by introducing him/herself in front of 30 people. Silly, isn’t it?

The thing that justified them why people tend lo like the others’ private life are answered by the quote from Hamdi Muluk, a phsycologist.

“Private life is a hidden world. When the hidden life is revealed, people are surely interested. Phsycologically, people are like to compare their behaviour with the general’s behaviour.”

What about facebook and other social media like twitter and plurk? As we’ve experienced much of them, we can see that people tend to expose their personal life and disclose either through updating their status or uploading some photos. And by being sarcastic, it really a trivial thing but we enjoy it (me off course).


taken from here


And to what end do this trend leads our life? Hamdi said that this is really dangerous because everybody are lead to see trivial thing everyday. If the condition are remain stable, we could be a stupid nation. Ironic?

What’s up doc?

Last week I hung up with my fellows. Surprisingly there’s a newly graduated doctor in which I’ve never seen him since the graduation time at the senior high school. And of course I got some stories to be told here , he he he.

I don’t know why in this full of symbolic world the profession of a doctor could make you so proud. Either you’ll be labelled as a smart or a rich. No, I don’t mean to refer this to my old fellow. I just wondering. As I’ve known more about the health system in this country, I’m no longer considering doctor as a voluntary job. Rather, it has became a social status signifier and people trying to get, let say, FKUI as their fave place to study.

My old fellow said that it full of rich kid. Although he brang a car to college, there would be some other rich kids that will kicking your ass like “I’m rich, smart, and deserve to be here”. And could you imagine? As the profession is full with the rich and smart kids we could no longer expect too much for the health system in this country.

No. I don’t mean to be pessimistic and sarcastic like other left-theorist would say. But refer to this fact, what can we say more? Education has just (and truly) become a tool to maintain the middle class and only the lucky-f*ckin’ smart kid will enter into this “it” job. Ha ha ha.

As a note I’ve never even thought to be a doctor. With this type of brain it’ll be proper to be a social person (I mean IPS) hahahaha. and for the last thing, I’ve never been envy to those who become a doctor. For me it’s either you’ll become a salesman for your hospital or pharmacist, HA! but I’m still optimistic that there still a good doctor out there in which doing their job as a passion to help the others.

Label me as you like, I don’t care. I was born with a lot of label and got so much humiliation by it, but still you won’t know me at all. Never.

Democracy vs theocracy state

Which one do you choose? It’s been a hard and long discussion inside my mind since I was in the college. Based on the discussion in my plurk, everybody is agree to accept democracy based on secularism rather than theocracy system. What about me?

Theocracy state? I’d like to refer this to Iran. As the islamic revolution went in 1970s to overthrow the shah regime, finally shariah became the basic foundation of the country. Does this system successfully accomodate various interest inside Iran? Not at all. The freedom of speech is very limited, thousands of people facing the death penalty. Religion has become the tools for the dictator. Corruption? Absolutely. And the social and cultural life tend to be symbolic. We can see this in veil which is an obligation for woman. Thanks to Marjane Satrapi for providing this information! hehehe

What about democracy? I’d like to refer this to scandinavian countries. For me scandinavian country is the most harmony place on earth: low rate of crime, high rate of woman participation in politic, and for its corruption index which labelled them as the most cleanest region. Liberal? yes.

What about Indonesia?
Hmm as our truly neoliberal government re-elected for the second time, I might say that our country is facing the second wave of neoliberalism, hehehehe. But does our country so heavily adore the neoliberalism that it marginalized another ideology? Not at all.

Our hypothesis from the discussion is as the neoliberal policy being implemented and creating a big gap between have and have not, this would be an excellent place for fundamentalism to grow. We might refer fundamentalism to FPI or HTI, is that true? Perhaps not. A dearest friend of mine, a human right activist, says that we just see it in peripheral and Indonesia has an ever growing fundamentalist group. And if the government keep on producing the neoliberal policy it’s like a time-bomb that ready to explode in a while and surely it’s rooted in unjustice problem.

Sooo if the scandinavian as the liberal country adapting some neoliberal policy and Indonesia implement this policy too, why can’t we be like them? When being implemented in third country like indonesia it become so unreal, abstract, and yet inefficient, why?

A dear friend of mine was working on germany’s organization rooted in christian-democrat party, he said the organization doesn’t care whether the people poor or rich. The most important thing is democratization. Could you imagine?

But if we take a way like Iran do, could we cope the excess from the fundamentalist group? I’m not sure.

Tell me. I insist. Could you help me finding a new way for Indonesia?

What's on your mind?

I think the biggest invention in the 21th century is the status update facilities. Not only facebook, but also Yahoo! Messenger, MSN Messenger, twitter, and plurk. One of the biggest anthropology Clifford Geertz says that “(wo)man is an animal suspended in webs of sugnificance that (s)he himself has spun”. Clifford refers webs to culture. And as status update comes into our life in 21th century, our means of communication and the way we interact to each other change drastically ever since.

At first I didn’t really recognize this. As other people updating and being responded by another, it caught my attention and why didn’t I try this? And the circuit of culture began to spin and later find its problem.

Problem? Yes, I’d like to call it problem since it sucks my life up. Everytime I find something important, i gotta publish it on the status. Even an unimportant small thing. And I’m not alone. Everybody doing it.

One thing that really catch my attention is the snob one. There must be the snob one in the real life and it comes into the digital life. Let me say: the job, life achievement, the property, the activity, the love life, the glamorous life, and off course: sex life. Well instead of getting the latest news about my friends, I am getting upset and finally make it as a joke with the dearest. And highlight this: I never got jealous to the snobish. Is it clear? No, the person being discussed is realizing and read it online. Fool us.

Another case is other snob that show their achievement and performance off. Unfortunately, digital life also provide another info and I find them fake and blabbing. Ironic? No, maybe you could just googling your name and keep your dearest friend to keep your secret, hahaha

I recognize this lately, since I’m really get into the social networking site, such activities like blogwalking and making blog are abandoned and I really trap in those such rubbish activities. Perhaps social web is far more dangerous than television. Ummm why don’t communication student make this as their final project?

Dibuang sayang, hehehe

RULE:
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these
questions. Pass it on to 15 people (or more) you like and include me (presuming
I'm someone you like). (Since I’ve prohibited myself to make a note in facebook, I won’t tag anyone, hehehe). Try not to repeat
a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Re-post as "my life
according to (band name)"

Your Artist/Band:
ROYKSOPP

Are you a male or female:
male

Describe yourself:
happy up here

How do you feel:
miss it so much

Describe where you currently live:
in space

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
arctic circle

Your favorite form of transportation?
silver cruiser

Your best friend?
the girl and the robot

You and your best friends:
this must be it

What's the weather like:
remind me

Favorite time of day:
only this moment

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
tricky tricky

What is life to you:
vision one

Your relationship:
what else is there?

What is the best advice you have to give:
beautiful day without you

Thought for the Day:
follow my ruin

How you would like to die?
so easy

Your soul's present condition:
you don’t have a clue

Technology as a fortune teller

A dear friend of mine said that I have such a plain life. Surprisingly she see it far away from Jakarta and we’re just keeping in touch through facebook, YM, and blog. Does technology really reflect my life or it’s a coincindence? (ah yes, there’s no coincindence!)

topekku: kalau aku liat, hidupmu kayak kakak2ku
topekku: serba teratur, terpikir, dan terencana
rinaldiridwan: ha?
topekku: hahahahahaha
rinaldiridwan: masa si?
topekku: iya
rinaldiridwan: emang keliatan darimana mbak?
topekku: ga tau
topekku: keliatan aja
topekku: hidupmu luruuuuuuuuuuusssssssssss
rinaldiridwan: hahahahahahha

This is just one case. I’ve been guessing another people’s life through facebook and some of their account on the internet and it’s exactly true. Sometimes I think that I disclose too much on the internet. And I realized it recently while I googling into my name. And what? It’s all about social networking! Don’t you think that if there’s someone purpose to do a bad thing to me it’ll be an easy way? Just browse through my account and you’ll know all my life real-time online!

The good news is it’s not only me. Everybody does it.

Ps: sorry for being out of topic from the first paragraph. For me it doesn’t matter if the person guessing your life is a dear one, what if it’s a stranger?

indigo and consciousness

Was browsing an academic’s approached website this morning and find an interesting article about indigo child. The article said that based on research at 2006 at least 80% children born at that time have indigo-coloured aura.

Indigo child seems to be antisocial unless being with the same kind of type. They tend to ignore the people with differences consciousness and feel like no one understand them. Seems that i’m so familiar with that state of mind, hihihi

First, clearly i’m not an indigo child. Second, by the time i felt that state of mind, i chose to ignore and not to disclose it as if indigo child. Third, i’m not that wise to have the gift. But, don’t you think that being alienated such indigo is killing you smoothly? Perhaps not. But I do.

Me and my dearest friend called it consciousness. Since me and my friend aren’t indigo child (is she?), we just share it silently. We think that no one could randomly be invited to this kind of topic due to –don’t want to be called weird- feelings.

Now tell me, do you feel the same? Maybe we could make this circle larger :)

The ideology of money

Last week I attended a break-fasting event with my senior high school friends (perhaps it’d be proper to call it reunion, hehehe). Began with some chit-chat dan say hi to some old friends and ended up with the break-fasting itself.

It was when I’d done my maghrib’s pray. I met my old friend. He’s the son of Indonesia’s top politicians in the current president’s cabinet. Been graduated from a university at the US. He works at Bakrie’s company. By this fact, don’t you think that political power do have a strong correlation with the economic and business? And then the conversation lead to the a silly and annoying question (actually it was just me to thought about that). What’s your job now? Where? What are you doing?

For this question, I’d answer it simply: at a local NGO. Where? Near from my home. What are you doing? Writing news and feature about palm, fishery, and rice. And I guess people would think that it’s absurd.

Surprisingly he’s interested! He said that palm oil industry is the new rising-star as Indonesia’s export commodity bla bla bla, and perhaps someday he’ll run into that business. Me, as the newbie in ngo’s world just can say yes yes yes. Despite the fact that I know, what can I say more?

And then I said to him that the palm oil industry’s is full of conflict between company, local community, indigeous community and full of risk. There’s so much injustice in it. For this statement, he said: actually if the entrepreneur itself share its profit, which is no more than 0,1%, the problem will be solved. The local community get the money and be happy. The corporate can take the maksimum profit.

I can’t say more from the fact that as an ngo’s worker, I have an opposite’s point of view.

Injustice problem
Working at non-government organization really face me to the injustice problem. From the first time I worked at YJP that concern with the women, gender, and human’s right problem and now at my office I see injustice in Indonesia almost everyday.

As a beginning, I used to read marx and other left-thinker at the college. By that time I think that capitalism is really a big deal for Indonesia, till I enter YJP that concern and fight against patriarchy. I think that patriarchy is the hegemonic ideology around us that it drives capitalism like now.

After I work at my office now, I see that capitalism is really a big problem. Perhaps living in the big city really make us unconscious with the excess and never given a f*ck to this. We enjoy it, don’t we?

And then, if capitalism is the new black. We enjoy and living with it. Far from the labour, fisherman, and farmer’s living. On the other hand injustice does really exist. And we’ll think that it’s a human’s destiny and people deserve get what they do. And injustice has became just a word found in dictionary, to what extent do we live? Can’t we do something to this?

For this question is I work for, hehehe just wait for my magz soon dear! ;)

En nu ik dromen voor amsterdam, god alsjeblieft maken mijn weg gemakkelijker...

Being a bachelor of social sciences really makes me think about my existence. For the first time in my life i’m thinking about a far and distant place: Amsterdam. Yes, i really obsess with it. Not for the red light district, same-sex marriage, and marijuana (not at all dear). Yeah i really want it to be the place for me to take my master degree.

The things are, the way to gain it is really hard. Not only to gain it, but everyday i’m thinking about the “me” and the “I”. Perhaps Mead was so right with his symbolic interactionism. Since I’ve dreamt of it, I feel like my life is forced by a task which a boy at my age doesn’t face it.

Yes, for the first time in my life. I’m thinking about who am I? To what extent I live in this world? What should I do to another? Everyday.

Dear mind, could you just relaxing for a while and make me enjoying my life as it is?

Lebih dari

Jika adrenalin tak pernah mencapai eksistensi,
Kuyakin esensimu di neuron neuron dalam batok kepalaku akan melengkapi

Bagaikan supernova yang menyesap menjadi lobang hitam dalam sekejap
Ku ingin, ketika mentari pergi, rembulan menerangi jalanku
Kala hasratku membara, kau mendapat limpahan
Kala asa meninggalkanku, kuingin kau menggenapiku bak gemini

Ku benci sistem simbolik ini, kau pun tak ubahnya siap menggadaikan jiwamu
Tapi, ku telah menjadi lebih dari asmara
Melambung jauh setinggi angkasa

Refleksi 22

Saya mulai refleksi tahun ini dari anak kecil yang sama temui kemarin. Pengamen cilik. Berbadan kecil, lusuh, mata dengan pandangan tak tentu, dan rapuh. Pemandangan yang seperti pengamen cilik pada umumnya. Entah kenapa saya kemarin mengajaknya ngobrol.

Farid namanya. Dia bilang tinggal di stasiun lenteng.

Umur kamu berapa?
“10 tahun”
Tinggal sama siapa?
“sama temen”
Rumah?
“gak punya”
Orang tua kamu mana?
“tinggal berdua aja”
Kamu tiap hari ngapain aja?
“dari stasiun lenteng, naik bis ke stasiun UI, terus ngamen sampe dapet duit.
Duit kamu buat siapa?
“buat makan”
Terus baju kamu siapa yang cuciin?
“gak ada”
Jadi?
“Ya, dipake tiap hari kalo mau ganti beli baju baru, yang lama dibuang”
Masih mau sekolah?
“masih”
Temen kamu berapa tahun?
“tujuh tahun, tingginya seleher aku”
Kamu kalo main kemana aja?
“gak pernah main”

Hati saya gerimis. Dan sepanjang perjalanan di kereta pikiran saya penuh dengan letupan dan ledakan emosi tak tersalurkan. Entah kenapa kepolosannya membuat saya makin merinding. Ya, saya patut bersyukur.
Sejak kecil, saya tumbuh dengan keluarga yang lengkap. Imaji saya penuh dengan khayalan. Masih bisa bermain, tertawa, dan bermimpi indah. Begitu pula dengan pendidikan. Sekolah di tempat yang katanya unggulan. Hingga sekarang bekerja di tempat yang sesuai keinginan.

Satu hal, saya baru menyadari akhir akhir ini. Saya tidak bekerja untuk mencari uang. Saya bekerja berdasarkan suka cita. Dan ketika saya berpikir bahwa uang akan beres dengan sendirinya, terjadilah. Dan sepanjang hidup, saya selalu hidup dengan mimpi. Mimpi yang terkesan ambisius, namun saya menikmatinya. Berbeda dengan farid. Dia harus menanggung keras dan beratnya hidup berdua dengan temannya. Tidak pernah bermain, entah bagaimana dengan bermimpi.

Beberapa hari yang lalu, saya membaca status update temen saya, Arlinka: Manusia terus mencari tapi tidak mengetahui apa yang hilang dari dirinya. Ya, saya berusaha terus mencari kebahagiaan, salah satunya dengan rencana-rencana masa depan yang ambisius. Saya ingin melakukan banyak hal, menjadi ini, menjadi itu, membuat ini, membuat itu. Cukupkah saya melakukannya dalam sisa umur ini? sampai sekarang pun, sumbangan saya bagi peradaban pun masih minim.

Saya. masih. Belum. Menjadi. Siapa. Siapa.

Jika usia saya habis hari ini, saya tidak akan tercatat dalam buku putih sejarah. Tapi saya punya kata-kata yang selalu mengingatkan ketika saya mulai lelah dengan pencapaian masa depan

“sebaik-baiknya manusia adalah yang bermanfaat bagi sesamanya”
-Nabi Muhammad
“untuk semua tujuan mulia, jalan pasti akan selalu terbuka”
-Mahatma Gandhi
“bermimpilah, karena Tuhan akan memeluk mimpi-mimpi itu”
-Arai, dalam edensor

Semoga sisa usia saya cukup untuk melakukan semuanya.

Terinspirasi dari Andrea Hirata, Pram, Dee, dan Farid.
Rinaldi Ridwan, 22 tahun, still nobody and will become somebody soon.
Jakarta, Indonesia.

Diari pesakitan setelah tujuh bulan

Hangat.
Berat.
Pusing.
Lelah.
Srottttttttt!!!

Akibat hobi berkelebat. Di malam yang gelap. Menyimak sihir dari barat.

Semoga ini bukan H1N1

Dunia hologram

Apakah kita semua eksis dan benar-benar ‘ada’?

Ketika kecil saya mempunyai pikiran bahwa di dunia ini semuanya adalah ilusi. Beginilah khayalan saya: saya hanyalah satu-satunya manusia yang sungguh-sungguh ‘ada’ dan dunia tidak lebih dari sekedar setting-an Tuhan bagi saya.

Katakanlah saya berada di rumah. Ketika saya keluar rumah, siapa yang bisa menjamin ‘keberadaan’ rumah yang saya tinggali? saya berpikir bahwa semuanya akan berubah seketika menjadi naga. Ya, semua orang akan berubah menjadi karakter lain yang saya tidak tahu apa bentuknya dan hanya menertawakan keberadaan saya sebagai satu-satunya makhluk yang benar-benar diciptakan sendirian.

Absurd? ternyata saya tidak sendirian, temannya teman saya juga berpikir hal yang sama. Dunia hanyalah hologram yang dipersiapkan Tuhan untuk sang individu.

Dan tulisan ini pun bisa jadi hanyalah salah satu potongan hologram. Atau anda memang mengetahui jika anda memang hologram yang diciptakan untuk menjadi settingan hidup saya?

Only God knows.

Membuka titik kesadaran dengan Supernova

Bagi saya, membaca Supernova adalah pengalaman membuka kotak pandora. Membuka perspektif lain yang selama ini terabaikan dan melumerkan senoktah keresahan di dalam jiwa yang selama ini mengkristal hingga membalikkan keadaan. Rapuh dan siap meledak.

Pencarian akan eksistensi “aku” dan “ada”. Dahulu saya pernah berpikir betapa anehnya saya: mempertanyakan hal-hal yang dianggap tidak lazim. Dan membaca Supernova seolah membaca kitab mengenai diri sendiri.
Pertama kali membacanya tahun 2006 seolah menyadarkan namun dengan kerutan di sana-sini. Akhirnya kedua kalinya membaca dan membelinya saya dapat lebih memahami esensi dari supernova dan pencarian akan diri sendiri sepanjang usia. Melelahkan dan penuh gejolak.

Bertemu kekasih yang sudah lama berpisah. Tepatnya seperti ini. Seolah menemukan potongan mozaik yang menjadi petunjuk untuk menemukan mozaik hidup lainnya.

Cerita dimulai dengan kehadiran Dhimas dan Ruben sang “dalang tempelan” ciptaan Dee. Mereka membuat cerita yang diilhami dari kisah Ksatria, Putri, dan Bintang Jatuh. Di luar dugaan cerita yang mereka buat bergerak mengikuti alur yang tidak pernah mereka duga sebelumnya. Cerita yang mereka buat akhirnya sampai kepada titik dimana tokoh yang mereka ciptakan ternyata eksis dan ada dalam kehidupan “nyata” dalam dunia mereka.

Berhentilah merasa hampa.
Berhentilah minta tolong untuk dilengkapi.
Berhentilah berteriak-teriak ke sesuatu di luar sana.
Berhentilah bertingkah seperti ikan di dalam kolam yang malah mencari-cari air.
Apa yang anda butuhkan semuanya sudah tersedia.
Tidak ada seorang pun mampu melengkapi apa yang sudah utuh. Tidak ada sesuatu pun dapat mengisi apa yang sudah penuh. Tidak ada satupun yang dapat berpisah satu sama lain.
Tinggal kemauan anda untuk mampu menyadarinya, atau tidak.
Temukan kenop anda, dan putar.

“aku jadi ingat Copernicus yang mengubah pandangan dunia, kalau ternyata Bumi bukan pusat orbit, melainkan matahari. Sekarang aku ingin mengubahnya lagi, kita memang pusat semesta, walaupun bukan secara geografis. Kita adalah pusat karena…” (Ruben)
“Kita adalah maknanya.” (Dhimas)

Dengan istilah istilah fisika yang absurd, Dee berhasil menerjemahkannya ke dalam bahasa sastra menjadi lebih indah. Ketika membaca supernova, pikiran yang timbul adalah alur yang mirip dengan dunia sophie karangan Jostein Gaarder. Terlepas dari kemiripan kerangka cerita, novel ini tetap layak mendapat empat ibu jari! Hehehe.